Coping vs. Healing: How Grief Impacts Food Freedom and Eating Disorder Recovery

There are moments in life when everything looks fine on the outside…
But inside? You’re exhausted. Tight. On edge.

You’re “holding it together.”
You’re functioning.
You’re doing what needs to be done.

And yet—food feels chaotic, your body feels like an enemy, and your brain will not shut off.

Friend, let me gently (and lovingly) say this:
That might not be a willpower problem.
That might not be a food problem.

That might be grief.

And more specifically, you might be coping with grief—but not actually healing from it.

In a recent episode of the Faith‑Filled Food Freedom podcast, I sat down with Teresa Davis, known as The Grief Mentor, for one of the most powerful conversations I’ve ever had behind a microphone. We talked about grief in a way that almost no one talks about it—especially in Christian spaces.

Not just grief from death.
But grief from identity loss.
Grief from letting go of control.
Grief from releasing the version of you that felt “safe” because she was smaller, stricter, or more disciplined.

And whew. If you’ve ever said, “Why can’t I just get it together?”—this one’s for you.

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Coping vs. Healing: Why This Distinction Matters More Than You Think

Let’s clear something up right away: coping is not bad.

Coping is often necessary.
Coping helps you survive.
Coping helps you get through the day.

But coping is NOT the same thing as healing.

Coping asks:

“How do I get through this without falling apart?”

Healing asks:

“How do I allow God to transform what this has done inside of me?”

Teresa said something on the podcast that stopped me in my tracks:

“Grief doesn’t just live in our hearts. It lives in our bodies.”

Read that again.

Because if you’ve been trying to “think your way” out of food anxiety, body image struggles, or control behaviors… while ignoring the grief stored in your nervous system, that explains a lot.

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Grief Isn’t Just About Death (And This Is Where So Many Women Get Stuck)

When we hear the word grief, we often think:

• Loss of a loved one

• Tragedy

• Trauma

And yes—those absolutely count.

But grief also shows up when you lose:

• An identity

• A sense of safety

• A coping mechanism that once “worked”

• The version of your body you thought you needed to have

So many of the Christian women I work with don’t think they’re grieving. But they are.

They’re grieving:

• The body they felt proud of

• The control food rules once gave them

• The identity of being “the disciplined one”

• The belief that if they just tried harder, they’d finally feel okay

And because we don’t name that grief…we numb it.

With food control.
With body checking.
With obsessive thoughts.
With constant striving.

That’s coping.

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Why Coping Often Looks Like Control (Especially With Food) 👀

Coping mechanisms exist for one reason: They make us feel safe.

Teresa shared vulnerably that after the sudden loss of her son, she gained 50 pounds—not because she “didn’t know better,” but because food was:

• Accessible

• Predictable

• Temporarily soothing

Food gave relief. Control gave comfort.

And friend, this is where food struggles and grief are deeply connected.

When life feels out of control, we cling to the things we can control:

• What we eat

• How much we eat

• When we eat

• How often we exercise

• The number on the scale

But here’s the hard truth (said with so much love):
Control doesn’t heal grief. It only distracts from it.

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“Grief Has to Be Witnessed” (Yes… Even Yours)

This part of the conversation gave me chills.

Teresa said: “Grief has to be witnessed.”

Not managed.
Not minimized.
Not shoved down with Bible verses and a smile.

Witnessed.

And this is where so many Christian women struggle—because we’ve been taught:

• “Don’t be a burden.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “Just pray about it and move on.”

But un-witnessed grief doesn’t disappear.

It leaks out:

• In reactivity

• In control behaviors

• In food obsession

• In anxiety

• In exhaustion

Healing begins when grief is allowed to be seen—by God and by safe people.

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The Biblical Case for Grief (Yes, Really)

Let’s be clear: grief is not a lack of faith.

Scripture is full of lament.

Job cried out.
David wept.
Jesus Himself grieved.

Teresa beautifully reframed this:

“Honoring grief doesn’t give it power. It releases the power it already has over us.”

Whaaaat?! 🤯

Avoidance gives grief control.
Witnessing it takes that control back.

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Letting Go vs. Surrender (They Are NOT the Same Thing)

This distinction is GAME-CHANGING.

Letting go feels like:

A tug-of-war.
White-knuckling.
Forcing yourself to release something before you feel ready.

Surrender feels like:

Open hands.
Open heart.
Acknowledging, “I cannot do this in my own strength.”

Surrender isn’t passive. It’s worship.

And here’s the kicker—it’s not a one-and-done moment.

Surrender is daily.
Sometimes hourly.
Sometimes minute by minute.

(Hi, sanctification. 👋)

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Why Surrender Feels So Scary (And Why That Makes Sense)

Let’s be real.

If food control has been your safety net…
If body obsession has been your identity…
If striving has been your coping mechanism…

Of course surrender feels terrifying. Because the real question underneath surrender is this:

“If I give this up… what will I depend on instead?”

Oof.

That’s the work.

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Healing Requires Replacement—Not Just Removal

You can’t just rip away a coping mechanism without replacing it.

Nature hates a vacuum. So does your nervous system.

Healing asks:

• What am I releasing?

• And what am I learning to depend on instead?

Teresa pointed us back—again and again—to truth.

Not half-truths.
Not lies wrapped in Scripture-ish language.
But actual truth about who God is.

Because dependence requires trust. And trust requires truth.

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Replacing Lies With Truth: The First Step Toward Healing

If you take one step after reading this, let it be this:

Identify the lie you’ve been living from.

Common ones I hear:

• “I can’t trust my body.”

• “If I stop controlling food, everything will fall apart.”

• “God helps spiritually… but this is on me.”

Teresa reminded us that the enemy’s strategy is distraction and deception—usually through half-truths.

Truth anchors.
Truth steadies.
Truth heals.

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What Healing Actually Feels Like (Hint: It’s Not Constant Effort)

Teresa shared one of my favorite visuals from the episode:

“Coping looks like pushing. Healing looks like being pulled.”

Coping:

• Striving

• Hustling

• Forcing change

Healing:

• Space to breathe

• Room to notice beauty

• Movement led by the Holy Spirit—not fear

Healing doesn’t mean life is suddenly easy. It means you’re no longer doing it alone.

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If You’re Ready to Move From Coping to Healing, Start Here

You don’t need to fix everything today. But you can take one faithful step.

Here are a few places to start:

• Listen to the full podcast episode on the Faith‑Filled Food Freedom podcast, and subscribe on Spotify.

• Join our free community of women walking this out together: Join here → https://community.brittanybraswellrd.com 

• Explore Teresa’s work on grief and spiritual warfare through her podcast, The Grief Mentor

• Join us inside The Joy-Filled Eater Course for more work on identity, grieving the loss of an eating disorder, and taking a Christ-centered approach to food freedom and better body image!

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Final Word, Friend

If food feels harder than it “should”…
If control feels safer than surrender…
If healing feels overwhelming…

Please hear this:

You are not broken.
You are not failing.
And you are not alone.

Grief acknowledged becomes grief healed. Control surrendered becomes freedom received.

And healing is possible—one surrendered step at a time.

As always, keep chasing joy and choosing freedom.